I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
