I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
