You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
