this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
