Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
