You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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