when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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