There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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