im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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