shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
