You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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