Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
