Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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