can u get pink eye on your cock?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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