Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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