Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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