Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
