i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
