Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This baby is an asshole
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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