I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
