he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
