New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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