the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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