I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
