Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
