I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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