I'm laying in your front yard are you home
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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