I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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