and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize