My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How naked do you want me to be?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
