Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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