half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
