I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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