I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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