It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
