He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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