Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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