The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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