The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
