thus making me awesome and them whores
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
