got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
that may or may not have been my penis.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
