so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
