I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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