he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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