Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize