Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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