waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
