he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
