Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
