He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
