the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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