like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
