How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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