My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
