you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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