im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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