Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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