You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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