conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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