Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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