new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
