My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
