and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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