last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you had me at cake vodka
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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