Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
