And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
