I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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