i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Couch. On fire.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
