Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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