the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
