saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My vagina is officially offended.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
